Listening, an essential leadership skill
In their influential book called Positioning, The Battle for Your Mind (2001), Al Ries and Jack Trout write that “We are an over-communicated society, and the average mind is already a dripping sponge that can only soak up more information at the expense of what’s already there.” In order to cope, the authors explain, our minds resort to ignoring more and more information. Think I’m exaggerating? Simply count the words on your cereal box. Then ask yourself: should I in fact read them all? Or should I simply eat my cereal in solitary, ignorant bliss?
Ries and Trout are of course referring to the fact that, for a variety of reasons in our so-called information age, we often disregard incoming marketing-related messages. This is indeed a challenge. After working for several years in various corporate environments where many of my colleagues referred to effective messaging as “one of the most difficult tasks in business,” it’s my observation that this unconscious response of our minds — bracketing excess information — has had a dramatic effect on our interpersonal interactions as well. This is especially concerning because we all want to matter, we all want to be heard and understood. But what about listening to one another? and who will listen to our message while everyone else is trying to convey theirs?
It’s not as if people don’t understand the importance of listening. In fact, everyone I talk to gets it; they even seem to be making sincere efforts in this direction. However, in the corporate world, the tremendous pressure that individuals are subjected to, in which they are expected to deliver bigger and better results at work, makes the act of slowing down to attentively listen to others a costly luxury many feel they can’t often afford. If you can relate to this situation the question that is popping into your mind is probably this: how do successful executives do it? How do some embody an approachable personality, have an open-door policy, and yet manage to accomplish formidable and tangible results in their line of business?
To answer these questions, here are some tips I heard over the years from clever and successful people. But let me add: you don’t have to be a CEO in order to practice the skill of attentive listening. If nothing else, these suggestions will help you make all your conversations more interesting and interactive.
1) Practice Self-Awareness: Executives who have an effective open-door policy really do listen to everyone. Yet it doesn’t consume all of their time nor does it prevent them from completing the rest of their objectives. That’s because they are usually assertive communicators and have an in-depth understanding of the business environment in which they operate. In short, they are self-aware communicators. They are people who have trained their minds to be present in the here-and-now while listening to others. This allows them to establish connections between the information they are receiving and their own values, beliefs, and experiences, so they can provide feedback that is realistic and useful.
2) Pay attention: A few years ago a very wise colleague told me: “when you become a leader or a parent, it’s no longer enough to know in your mind that you are doing the right thing, it needs to be visible to others that you are doing the right thing.” You may be the kind of person that can effectively listen to music, cook, answer a message on your cellphone, and study for an exam at the same time. But even if you possess this skill, when you listen to others you should give non-verbal cues indicating that you are indeed listening and absorbing the message. The reason is simple: if you don’t, the speaker is likely to feel the need to repeat it, or to ignore your feedback on account of feeling that you didn’t really listen. Either way, it would be a waste of everybody’s time.
3) Keep it brief: Don’t assume the person speaking to you is looking for a long conversation or needs to have a big chunk of your time to feel heard. In a professional setting it’s likely that most people want to keep discussions on the shorter side. If you sense that the interaction is going to take more than the three minutes you can spare at the moment, suggest that a 10 to 15 minute discussion be scheduled in both your calendars at a later time. This is a simple but effective way to give someone the attention they need while at the same time establishing the amount of time you are willing to offer for the discussion. Moreover, it gives the speaker time to organize his or her thoughts into a message that can be discussed within the established time-frame.
4) Practice empathy: A Yale University study determined that the word “you” tops the list of the twelve most influential words in the English language. When listening to others, try to think about the other person’s needs, views, concerns, and build your response more around the “you”and less around the “I.”Leaders who genuinely care about their people are not interested in showcasing their ego in every interaction. They know that the well-being of every team member will contribute to achieving a productive work environment. And therefore they will try to make an honest effort to be compassionate and put themselves into the other’s persons shoes.
5) You don’t have to know everything: At work we may often think that we are expected to have enough knowledge and experience to handle any question. Yet there may be situations, business-related or not, for which we simply don’t have an answer. Instead of setting someone on the wrong path with incorrect or insufficient information, don’t be afraid to suggest that a matter be better discussed with another more appropriate individual. This does not mean that your knowledge is insufficient or that you want to be dismissive towards the speaker. It simply means you are human and are not afraid to show your vulnerability. Be sure to explain clearly that you want to put the person’s or the business’s best interests first, by getting them the best possible advice, even if it does not come from you.
To quote Dr. Lois P. Frankel, a motivational author and speaker: “When you help, or interact positively with someone, you collect an imaginary token, which you can elegantly exchange when you need something back.” This is the foundation of building strong positive relationships. Likewise, when we listen effectively to one another we create collaborative work environments where employees feel included, valued, and unafraid to show their imperfections in the interest of learning and growing. Few things can be better for business!
